The Confidence Gap Is a Myth. The Credibility Gap Is Real.

Confidence is not the issue

For decades, working women have been told the same story.

They need more confidence.
They need to speak up.
They need to raise their hands.
They need to believe in themselves a little more.

And when women become mothers, this narrative intensifies. If they aren’t advancing, if they’re overlooked, if they stall after leave, the explanation is often internal. Maybe she’s unsure. Maybe she’s less confident now. Maybe her priorities shifted.

But what if confidence was never the issue?

What if the real problem is credibility and who is allowed to keep it?

Working mothers do not suddenly lose belief in their abilities after having children. If anything, many gain clarity, resilience, and competence at a level they’ve never experienced before. They are making complex decisions daily. Managing risk. Navigating conflict. Operating under constraint.

That doesn’t erode confidence. It builds it.

What often changes is how that confidence is received.

After motherhood, women are more likely to have their judgment questioned. Their availability scrutinized. Their commitment silently reassessed. The same behaviors that once signaled leadership potential are reinterpreted through a different lens.

Efficiency becomes disengagement.
Boundaries become lack of ambition.
Calm certainty becomes complacency.

This isn’t a confidence gap. It’s a credibility gap.

It’s the subtle but pervasive shift in how competence is perceived once a woman is also seen as a caregiver. Her track record doesn’t disappear—but it stops carrying the same weight. Her authority is no longer assumed. It must be re-proven, often repeatedly, and often without acknowledgment.

And unlike confidence, credibility is not something you can fix with coaching.

You cannot “mindset” your way out of bias.

The credibility gap shows up in who gets trusted with stretch opportunities. In who is invited into strategic conversations. In who is given the benefit of the doubt when trade-offs are required.

It shows up when working mothers are advised to be more visible instead of being evaluated fairly. When they’re encouraged to self-promote rather than being recognized. When the solution offered is personal adjustment instead of structural accountability.

Telling women to be more confident conveniently avoids asking harder questions about how credibility is assigned and withdrawn.

Because credibility isn’t neutral. It’s shaped by expectations about who is reliable, who is serious, and who belongs at the center of power. And motherhood disrupts those expectations whether women want it to or not.

The result is a familiar pattern: women who are capable, experienced, and clear-eyed are overlooked—not because they lack confidence, but because the system no longer extends trust in the same way.

This is why so many working mothers describe feeling invisible rather than insecure.

They know what they’re capable of. What they don’t know is whether it will ever be recognized again without overcompensating.

And that’s where the real cost lies.

When credibility erodes, women are forced into a constant performance loop—proving, signaling, justifying. Not because they doubt themselves, but because they sense that belief from others is conditional.

Closing the confidence gap was never the solution.

Closing the credibility gap requires something much more uncomfortable: examining bias, redefining commitment, and decoupling leadership potential from outdated assumptions about availability and sacrifice.

Working mothers don’t need to be louder.

They need to be believed.

And until workplaces learn to recognize credibility that doesn’t look the way it used to, they will continue to misdiagnose the problem—and lose some of their most capable leaders in the process.